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WRITING

Prelude

 

The Count and his wife had married off their only child to a handsome stranger that had approached them from across enchanted lands and tormented oceans. His charismatic charms wooed their pessimistic outlook on the world, and gave them the opportunity to see the exquisite purity within it. However, naivety had stolen them away from the poison that would soon reign. 

 

The fire engorged the county like a pack of lions to a feast of a thousand deer. The Count and Countess were hung and dragged through the filth ridden streets. They were tied behind an agitated mare that had been blinded by scorching ash, spattered up from the stamping of his hooves. Screeching from the victims of loss and injury became chiselled into the music of the night making blood seep from people’s ears. Silence fell upon the broken hearted like a sweet lullaby. Endless sobs and dragging feet were heard for weeks to come. The villages were ravaged through the night, roaring fires seared through the houses with victims ensnared by the seductive flames. Not even God’s tears flooding through the gates of heaven could stop it. Death had come, and with it a dark shadow upon the land.

 

The Count’s daughter gazed out of the castles tower, through thick rusted cast iron bars, gripped between her delicate hands. The light from the flames shimmered across her pale skin, as she looked on at the trauma being played out amongst the town’s people. Pain and horror of the night reflected within the purity of her deep mahogany eyes. She had been married off to a handsome stranger at the age of thirteen, who now held her captive in the castle tower. The outside world would become a dream to her soon enough.

 

As for now, fear would swarm throughout the land under the command of a man drenched in supremacy.  However, not many knew that an innocent would soon form the key to unlock the door of beauty’s light that once sang its sweet melody, dancing all through the county. That would churn the darkness into a single grain of sand, ending this reign of shadows.

 

 

~ 1 ~

 

I swim into the void of those deep brown eyes and see a soul broken into a thousand pieces. Gravity doesn’t exist in this universe. I grasp at the atmosphere, anything to keep me from falling. Searching in awe at the magnificent illumination a soul creates. A piece of succulent deep crimson glides by, curiosity has my hand reach out. Like a moth to a flame reaching its destination, a searing pain pierces through my arm. It bites like a delicate rose tricks you with its beauty.

 

CLANK!

 

Stung by my conscience, I winced. A gasp of ice cold air slices into my lungs. Paralysed. An excruciating screech of metal greets my ears. My eyelids peel back slowly peeking through my long tangled locks and in a hallucinogenic gaze I glance towards the location of the noise. A pair of dark, piercing eyes glare into my soul. Fear pulsates through my body.  Realisation occurs as I feel the narcotic that has been penetrated within my veins.  My body writhes on the small bed while a damp, flea ridden blanket entwines around my legs. The heavy cast iron door is unbolted with great force. As it creeks open towards me, a sheet is thrown to the centre of stone box I have grown bitterly fond of over the years. The sheet creates a clatter on the floor, as scraps of food escapes onto the foul dirt trodden floor. My back arches as my insides clench with fear my head is thrown back. There is an unusual silence, as the piercing eyes that threw the sheet stands in solitude behind the door. I suffer as an impulsive desire to escape quivers through my brittle bones.  Like a thief swift to take his jewel, the door slams closed with an almighty ear wrenching bang. I relax as my eyes wince at the sound; they follow where the door now sits. Once again the eyes glare. As I meet there gaze they remove themselves from sight. Yet again the screech from the rusty metal shutter glides through the door. The distant sound of heavy feet can be heard moving with fierceness through the corridor. Alone.  Left to my tormenting desires of freedom. Time bears no existence between these four walls, and the light chases it as darkness overwhelms. A burning spear of hope pierces through my heart as I glimpse the small patch of pure blue sky. Encased within the small opening in the far wall embedded with bars. The cast iron bars become invisible as pure light reaches in and touches my skin with a silk softness.

The Poisoned Sun

PROSE

I glance at the shiny bowl, wondering if Fishie was hiding in the great castle. I feel something hurt in my chest; it feels like when Sam stabs me with his lightsaber, but much worse. I run over to Fishie. He’s upside down. Maybe he’s pretending to be a circus fish? I shove my hand into the bowl and poke Fishie on hi shiny belly. Fishie floats away but doesn’t move.

 

“Fishie, wake up!”

 

I poke his belly again. He still doesn’t move. I feel sad. Fishie won’t wake up. Then I remember our old fish Benjamin, he pretended to be a circus fish. Mom picked him up; he was all slimy, and she took him to the bathroom. She said he needed to have a bigger place to swim so he could do his circus tricks. The sea. I like the sea.

 

I pick up Fishie from his bowl of water; he’s all slippery in my hands. I take him to the bathroom like my mom took Benjamin. Holding over the toilet I drop Fishie in.

 

PLOP!

 

Just as I flush he starts to wriggle.

 

“Fishie! You’re Awake!”

 

Then he disappeared and is sucked into the toilet.

 

“Nooooo! Fishie!”

 

Water fills up my eyes and falls down my cheeks. Fishie and Benjamin have gone to the sea to be circus fish.

Yesterday, I Killed a Fish

When someone dies there is always a silence that follows. A cool breeze sweeps through the air and for that moment you feel a sense of beauty…warmth.

There they are standing before your very eyes, yet so distant your vision begins to blur. The image evaporates.

Why must we be so afraid of dying? To die is to see the worlds true beauty for the first time. Possibly, because we are hit with the notion that now is the time to leave for good. The room behind those doors is empty. And you can’t help but question what if?

Seeing the World for the First Time

 

I feel physically sick, my eyes are straining to keep from tearing up. I can't let go here, surrounded by people. I can't show weakness. I can't talk to anyone from fear of burdening them. I can't talk to you because you're busy.  I can't breathe when my thoughts fleet to all the things that have happened this year. Images flash across my memory, lying lifeless in a hospital bed, 5 days, 24/7. Lying in a coffin gaunt and drained from life, a cocoon of the man that was once there. 

 

 

Troops lined up, walking down the aisle alone. Respect and admiration pulsate through the room. Head held high. Don't you dare cry, it’s not your turn yet. 

 

 A drowning echo reaches my ears, my name is called. Stood, looking down at 200 people, patiently waiting. I will not break. Not now, not yet. Nearly, my voice quivers on the last line. I pull it back, stare into the eyes of my audience and return to the empty seat.

 

He disappears through red velvet. But I forget, he disappeared in bed that day. I said goodbye, because I knew, it was time and so did he. He told me. We spoke. Silent words. We knew.

 

I didn't want to. I refused to believe. My optimism ridiculed me.  My instincts knew otherwise. Denial. The first stage.

 

I hope that when I disappear, that there is someone I can speak to. Even if I've lost my tongue. I hope I know love for 50 years or more. Most of all, I hope i feel it with every fibre of my being and with every beat of my heart.

A Fleeting Memory

POETRY

Lets find a way to understand

The cruelties that lie within this land

 

Follow the dark to seek out the light

For only little can come from spite

 

Hope is for the weak

And hate for the strong

To face these facts cannot take long

 

Yet do my eyes deceive me so

For all we need, is to grow

 

From time to time, there is a smile

If only this could last for a further mile

 

Strength of those who live in blunder

For now we have to hear the thunder

 

And so the story ends in tears

If only we could forget our fears

 

So look around and you will see

The wonder that stands, is we

 

Together we shall form a truce

For peace will be of some great use.

 

The Struggle to Understand

To feel a hurt as deep as mine,

Let’s tell the world all is fine.

 

Live out the days one by one,

For every ounce of good has gone.

 

I stand up straight and take a stride,

Now is not the time to swallow pride.

 

For every hit,

I strike with wit.

For every stare,

I stand and glare.

 

The night has come to an end,

And to my home please do send.

 

The lights are out,

Silence fills the air.

Taking one step forwards to sit on a stair.

 

I see you shout and scream and cry,

Through each fond memory fleeting by.

 

I see you laugh and dance with joy,

Like when you do with each new toy.

 

My darling girl I see you grow,

Into a lady full of life, yet still so far to go.

 

I held you in my arms so tight,

I saw you close your eyes on that cold winters night.

 

You slipped away into a distant dream,

Where I see your face light up and beam.

 

But time has gone,

And I will not move on.

 

Sitting on the stairs alone,

Every memory made of stone.

 

In all my heart, I love you so,

Yet, forever more full of such great woe.

 

To feel a hurt as deep as mine,

Lets tell the world… all is fine.

I See You

I wish I could see the world through another’s eyes,

To glance the mystery that was you.

 

I wish I could see the stars burn bright,

And hope you could see them too.

 

I wish my smile could never fade,

Because I would always be with you.

 

I wish that time could stop and stand,

So I can breathe the air that was once you.

 

My heartbeats, my eyes leak,

The stars are burnt out,

The smile always fades,

Time cannot stop.

 

And I wish, for just one moment… of you.

I Wish...

SCRIPTS

THE LAST TIME

A Date with Death

One Place. Three Times

TO BE PRODUCED FOR THE BIRMINGHAM SCHOOL OF ACTING 2015 SHOWREEL

ARTICLES

Do you feel the desperation rising to find any kind of work experience or job that will help propel you towards getting that spectacular career you’ve always had a passion for? I’m betting the majority of you feel this way, and the longer it takes to hunt down the experience you need to add to your CV the harder it gets to keep believing in yourself and your dream.

 

I’m a dreamer, a hopeless romantic, the escape artist that hides within her imagination, but is that really a bad thing? In some ways yes, dreams can be unrealistic, lifting up all of those wondrous hopes you have before crashing you back down to planet earth, filling you with disappointment, worthless being and the thought that ‘you’re not good enough’. Well that’s a load of codswallop! Of course you’re good enough, you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to, as long as you are realistic about what you want to achieve and aware of what you will need to do to achieve it.  Without dreams and imagination we have nothing to work towards, nothing to aspire to, and nothing to inspire us to live an exciting, exhilarating life!   

 

Fear is a huge part of life, and you can either let it swallow you up and prevent you from living or you can use it as a tool to steer you towards the life you want. If you look around at some of your friends and believe they are fearless and impulsive, getting interviews, experience, and jobs and you think to yourself ‘why can’t I be more like them?’. Well this may come as a surprise, but your friends are actually the complete opposite, they are petrified little rabbits running around the field trying not to get caught out. They are not fearless, there is no such thing. However, they have learnt how to utilise the fear they have and put that surge of energy with full force into getting out there either by looking for work experience, jobs or even networking. Of course, it sounds so much easier than it is as it takes a lot of patience and perseverance to keep pushing and searching and emailing employers to just give you one chance. That’s all it takes, one chance. So if you sing passion and you are honest about how hard working dedicated and how utterly in love you are with the field you want to work in, that chance will soon come.

 

So if you’re sitting in the corner with your knees tucked under your chin, rocking back and forth, and tears begin to roll down your cheeks because you feel you’re out of luck and your chance is never going to come around. Take a breath, sit up and think about all the things you achieved so far. Whether you are a student or graduate, you’re doing or have done a degree, you do volunteering, you have done some travelling, or you can drive, or maybe you set up a personal blog, don’t discount the little things because they are incredible achievements too! So grab a tissue and wipe those eyes. Believe in yourself, because you are more than capable of achieving your goals with a little patience and a spark of ambitious determination. Show the world that you are going to embrace the fear and LIVE the life you want, because you can.

BE AFRAID...TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT!

WRITTEN FOR GRADS.CO.UK/BLOG

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